Greatest Joy

Few of us experience our greatest joy.  For fear of annihilation.
Later we may be able to deal with it. But, not then when it is offered.
We aren't brave enough or experienced when it's offered.

Be A Good Listener

Yep, just like they say in all those movies on the topic of relationships, ya gotta be a good listener. What they don't tell you is that you should be listening to yourself.

I'm not suggesting to ignore others. I'm simply saying it's about time that you started paying attention and listen to what you are saying. Start doing this and you will be in for quite a shock.

Just in case it isn't totally clear, "listen to yourself" is not an euphemism for take your own advice, or be your own boss. I mean actually listen to what you are saying. And not just listen; listen with the same intensity to detail that Sherlock Holmes would bring to it.

When you do this, you'll find that you can hear in your voice when become ingenuous. You will hear the lie upon your own lips. As that happens, take a quick turn and get back to the truth.

Another thing you might notice, is that you know a heck of a lot more than you give yourself credit for. You'll find yourself blurting out the truth about situations. You'll also hear yourself blurting out half-truths about situations. When that happens, pause, backup and try to find the fuller truth. For example:

"Dam, that angers the hell out of me." -- nah, it doesn't really 'anger' me so much as...hmmm.... annoy? nah, ... ah, frustrate, that's what it does it frustrates me, thus changing your declaration to -- "That frustrates the hell of out me." Seems about the same, but is most definitely quite different. Does that mean being frustrates is better than being angry? No. It simply means that knowing the fuller truth about you is better. The moment you recognize that you are frustrated rather than angry it opens the door to the question: "what about this is frustrating?" Which leads to a mini inner conversation: Well, cause he's always getting all the breaks. All? All the breaks? Get a grip. You know that's an exaggeration. Well, he gets more breaks. How many more? Well, some more. So you're gonna allow someone else getting a few more breaks to frustrate you? Laugh... Yeah I guess so.

Does this mean that we should be psychoanalyzing our selves? No, it's just that you can't deal with what you don't see. It's like trying to clean a baking dish without being able to see or feel the bits of baked on crud.

Does this mean that we should be trying to clean ourselves like a baking dish? No. Enough with the endless hunt for rigid rules of conduct. Just start to pay attention to yourself. Actually see who you are for awhile. Then worry about sorting out what to do (if anything) about that.

Things to do until you die.

These are not things to do excessively to bring about de-de-death. These are things to do during that time period following the irrevocable realization that your life as you knew it is over.

There comes a time when the cosmos plays a particular dirty trick on you. Not a particularly dirt trick. Lord knows the cosmos has plenty of equally dirty tricks up its sleeves. This particular dirty trick is a certain specific trick. It might look like the following.

Consider what it's like to lose a life partner -- husband or wife. Then, shortly there after you finally have to confront the fact that your reflexes, vision, or other capabilities have been compromised to the point that you can no longer drive. Then, your favorite television show is cancelled. Followed by the further depressing news that a lifelong pet is terminally ill. And to top it all off your favorite restaurant no longer serves that nice rice pudding that you enjoyed so much. You know the one with the special topping.

You've heard of the one-two punch. Well this is like the one-two-three-four-five-six-seven-eight-etc. punch. The blows just keep coming. Anything that seemed to give your life value, purpose, or merit is stripped away.

"Why now, of all times, am I being battered down -- further and further. What kind of universe would do this? What the bleep is going on anyway?"

Consider the following answers:

What kind of universe would do this? A compassionate universe.

Why now, of all times? Because time is short and you have some work to do.

What the bleep is going on? You are being given an opportunity to get to work -- to shift your attention to a task that has been a hair's breadth away your whole life.

What is this work? What is this thing that is only a hair's breadth away?

Rather than answer this directly, let me throw another something into the mix. Today, I happened to be walking down a dirt country road. Nothing unusual in that. I do it several times a day -- seven days a week. The thing that was unusual today was a thought that imposed itself while I was walking down said road. This thought goes something like the following: finding out that today might be your last day of life has a way of draining significance from most all activities. What's the point of going to work to make a paycheck that you will never collect? Why practice piano for a recital you will never give? Why set an alarm clock that you will not hear ring? How important is it to put the dinner leftovers in the frig when there will be no one to warm them up the next day. The certainty of no tomorrow drains away all apparent value from the hubbub of daily activities that we normally take so much for granted.

Yep, that was an odd thought. But wait, and even odder thought was coming right on its heals. What about the situation of someone that discovers they have an eternity of tomorrows?  Wouldn't an endless procession of tomorrows have the same effect? What's the point of practicing piano today? I could practice tomorrow? And if I do practice day after day, won't the practice become bone grinding monotonous? The endless future repetition of anything I do today weighs on me like a lead blanket -- pressing out any enthusiasm.

A single day and an endless number of days have the same effect -- actions lose their ordinary value leaving one with the slap in the face stinging realization that nothing one does much matters any more. The kids don't call or write. The boss won't notice if I come into work or not. In fact, I've been retired so long it's hard to remember what it was like to have a job with significant tasks calling to me -- even on the weekends.

What about a nice hobby? One could take up a hobby. Aren't there all of those hobby things that I promised myself I'd get to when I finally had the time? When you say the word enough, the word hobby takes on a very odd sound -- hobby ha-bee haaabeee. Very odd sound to it. But that is nothing to the reaction I get when I contemplate actually doing a hobby. Weird, just plain weird.

Well, this doesn't seem to be getting us any closer to a solution for this getting beat down continued stripping of opportunity for apparent value from our lives. Really how many hours of day time television can you watch without going stark raving looney?

When you find yourself thinking: "given the way things are going I just don't see the value in living" there is a solution -- a simple solution. A solution that a compassionate universe is trying to help you find. That solution is to realize that living your life for you is not the best way to extract value.

Perhaps you have heard of folks that set off on a spiritual quest looking for god. Well god is not playing a game of hide-n-seek and the phrase "look for god" should not be interpreted as seek for god but rather as "see for god."  To see the Kingdom of Heaven it is necessary to see with the eyes of god. The Kingdom of Heaven (sometimes called the Crystal Palace) is here -- all around us, all the time. It is just a hair's breadth away.

As you let god look out through your eyes you will have the vicarious experience of seeing as god sees. Now there is value. There is value in the seeing and there is value in the being seen. There is value in god seeing creation. And there is value in the creation being seen by god. A job that we as human beings can do is to act as a kind of portal -- a knot hole in the fence of creation -- letting god take a peek at creation.

Making that cup of tea and sipping it on the patio while watching the birds play in the bird bath is important. Not necessarily important for you. But it can be important for god and it can be important for creation. Yeah, you've seen a bird a zillion times so it is no big deal for you. But when your vision shifts revealing the Crystal Palace it is a big deal. It is not just you seeing. And, it is not just you being seen. Really, it is not all about you.

The fact that it is not just about me is hard to see when "me" is doing well. When "me" has many friends to see, and "me" has many places to go, and "me" has many important accomplishments to accomplish. When I have too much "me" going on it clouds my vision.

The universe has a cure for too much "me". It's called the grinding deprivations of old age. Day after day, yet another part of me is stripped away. Not stripped away by a cruel and heartless universe, stripped away by a compassionate universe that is providing an opportunity to look past me and see the Crystal Palace -- to look on behalf of god.

But why couldn't this have come to me years ago when I had energy and ankle joints that moved without coaxing? Maybe it did and you were either too busy, or had too many competing responsibilities to see it. Now, you have the time, and let's face it there just aren't that many responsibilities competing for your attention. So now is the time to do what you can do to live in the Crystal Palace.

There are many possible interpretations of "Die before you die." One interpretation is to visit the beautiful Kingdom of Heaven now -- don't wait until after you croak, take a little trip each day. If you can get it together to visit once a day that would be a great accomplishment. Perhaps you can visit while weeding the garden, or perhaps you can visit while taking up a new hobby playing the bongos. It doesn't matter. All vistas in the Kingdom of Heaven are equally grande and are calling out for someone to give god a peek.

Clown Character Types

Below are eight clown types. These are notes I made in 1980 on an old Altair computer -- one of the very first personal computers. We had to flip switches on the front panel to input binary code to boot the computer.

I don't recall where precisely I found the inspiration/source for this material those 30 some years ago. But here they are for your edification.

Bureaucrat

Definitely a company person, this clown's view of the world is restricted to the unspoken rules and regulations that crop up in any society. By confining himself to this narrow point of view, this clown exempts himself from thought or feeling. He does not have to consider how his actions affect his fellows because he always acts "properly." The blind spots that are established by this character serve only to point up the absurdity of this position.

Demagogue

The figure of unbridled authority operates on this own set of rules with a narrow-mindedness that excludes variant opinions completely.

Dummy

This character is not really dumb -- he is just overly logical. When another clown gives him a job to do, he does it to the letter. If asked to shake he does shake -- but all over. he is so literal minded that the other clowns must take care in what they say when he is around, or they will find their very own words turned against them. The dummy seems dumb through all of the insanity he creates because he cannot understand why everything is going awry.

Egotist

This clown is always right, whether he is or not. He pushes the other clowns about to fit his own conception of the way things should be and is always ready to take credit where none is due. When this character gets slapped down, the audience enjoys seeing this guy get his for a change.

Narcissist

Filled with a sense of his own beauty, this character is always a trifle removed from this situation because his attention is centered on himself. Like the egotist, he has little of which to be proud.

Poor Soul

The luck of this character always seems to run against him. That he actually is the author of a major portion of his own misfortune never seems to occur to him. He remains constantly resigned to what he believes is his inevitable fate.

Timid Soul

This character would be afraid to ask for water even if he were dying of thirst. his insecurity is painfully evident to the audience. The least boisterous of all the clowns, he is often the butt of the pranks of his fellows. But, like the fool, he seems protected by God, for he always seems to come out on top. Through this shyness and uncertainty he man ages to turn the tables on his detractors.

Tippler

The clown uses this character to poke fun at overindulgence. This is not the chronic drunk.

Escape Velocity

Over the course of this winter some very good friends are working on creating lists for themselves by addressing the questions "What did they hope to accomplish with their life?" and, "What will they regret not doing if they should die without doing it?"

Reading emails from a couple of these friends I was reminded of something.

The thing I was reminded of was those moments right after the realization that nothing else will be done. This realization can come shortly before organic death, or it can be minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even longer. Whatever the timing, there will come a moment when we realize our capacity for getting any real work done is kaput.

I believe that when this time comes it is important to assess with a clear heart the results of one's life. Accept with gratitude that which one has been able to accomplish. And, take onto one's self a clear vision of that which one has not accomplished.

Let's assume that one has on their list of wishes something along the lines of "be with others with a caring and open heart."

Let's further assume that on your death bed your assessment is that you fell short of this goal.

I am suggesting that if you can hold a clear vision of this wish along with guiltless regret that you did not accomplish it, that you can use this as fuel to thrust you in the direction of a next incarnation that will be on the path toward achievement of that goal.

Reviewing the above, I come across the statement: "Whatever the timing, there will come a moment when we realize our capacity for getting any real work done is kaput." It occurs to me that this sentence holds both a truth and a lie. The truth is that there will come a moment when we realize our capacity for getting any real work done is kaput. The lie is that we cannot get any real work done at that time. Who is to say how much work can be accomplished even though you haven't the capacity.

In the words of Commander Peter Quincy Taggert: never give up, never surrender.